I’ve had so many people ask me in recent months, “How did you deal with such a traumatic divorce at 22?” There are multiple answers to that question, and a friend of mine recently told me that I should put everything that I’ve written (from the beginning until now) all together, so that maybe I can help others out there that are going through divorce. For the next few blog posts, I will compile all of my letters together so that maybe it will show that you are NOT alone in this. You will survive. You’re going to cry, scream, reminisce, and maybe even want what you had back. Then there’s going to come a day when you wake up and you get angry. You’ll fight back. You won’t give up until you find peace and serenity within yourself, and that will be the day that will change your life forever.
Today (December 12th, 2014) is the day that our divorce is officially legal. I’m supposed to be happy, relieved..yet, here I sit with a tear-stained face. Please do not mistaken that as a context of “missing you”, I’m not ready for that kind of humor yet. I’m upset because I’m 22 years old and I’m getting a divorce. I should have never married you. You pushed me beyond my limits, and now I’m having to find myself all over again. Who knows, maybe that isn’t your fault. Maybe it’s all my fault. For putting so much faith and love into you, that I forgot how to have faith and love in myself. You promised me Heaven, yet you gave me Hell. Oh, and thank you for putting it in the papers that I can have my maiden name back. I was going to take it back anyways.
I see that you have slandered my name all over town. I hear all kinds of stories when I come home from school on the weekends. At first, it bothered me..but now? I use it as ammunition to better myself. I am NOT a bad person because I changed. I am NOT a bad person because I fell out of love with you. I have asked for forgiveness for the things I’ve done, and I feel that I have been redeemed. I am slowly finding happiness again…without you.
All my love,