Life is anything but a fairytale.

We found out we were pregnant on June 27th. Ecstatic isn’t even the word to describe what we felt that day. I was roughly about 5 weeks and a few days along. Our estimated due date was February 23, 2015. We told my sister, my husband’s siblings, my older niece and nephew, and my mother-in-law. I had made a doctor’s appointment for a week and a half after we found out. I didn’t think it would get here fast enough. I couldn’t wait to see the first ultrasound, and hear the baby’s heartbeat. But that never had the chance to happen.

I lost my baby on July 1st, just after the 6 week mark. I haven’t been the same since. I cry all the time, at different intervals. It’s all I can think about. These past 2 weeks, almost 3, have been a literal nightmare. I have cried, I have screamed, I even resorted to burning myself in the shower. It seemed like the scalding hot water was the only thing that would keep my mind off everything. The first time I did it, Eric walked in on me and figured out what I was doing. Now, he won’t let me take a shower without him in the room. He doesn’t want me doing it, and honestly I don’t want to. So instead of that, I just brush my teeth constantly. It’s a way to channel that energy into something besides harming myself.

As short as this post is, I just can’t say anything else. Maybe some other time, I can be more open about everything. Until then, take care of yourselves.

-Emily

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