I’ve said my goodbyes.

Dear W,

As much as I want to punch you in the face, I can’t do it. The one thing that is holding me back is knowing that a part of the old you is still in there somewhere. Somewhere, deep in your cold heart, is the guy that was fun to be around. The guy that, no matter how goofy he acted, could pull an easy A out of his asshole. The one that could make anybody laugh without even trying. The guy that actually gave a shit about the people around him.
I have only one question for you: Who are you now? Society has broken you. All of those years that I tried to do everything I could for you, was just to make you happy. I felt like you needed me in your life as stability. I was the one who checked up on you, even though I knew you could take care of yourself. You were my shoulder to lean on, and I tried to be yours, but you never allowed me that opportunity. You threw me away.
When those girls of your past upset you, I tried to be the one that made you see that we’re not all like that. You didn’t care. I wanted you to be in my life. I tried to make you a part of my life, but you didn’t want that. So now I’m here, trying to make sense of everything, but it’s not working. I wanted you to be at my wedding. I wanted you to see that the man that I was marrying would take care of me, and that if you ever worried about me at all, you wouldn’t have to anymore. You didn’t want to be there.
The main reason that I wanted you to be in my life is because I wanted to make sure that you felt like you had someone. I’ve always felt like deep down inside, you felt like you were alone in this life…you weren’t. You wouldn’t be if you had played your cards right. You would still have me around, and even Eric. Eric was willing to let you in, even knowing what has went on between us. All you could do was stare at me like I was a piece of meat.
I’m not sure what goes on in your mind, but let me remind you of something—I’m a human being. I have a heart. I have feelings. I’m not some rag doll that you can just toss to the side when you’re finished. I was a TRUE friend to you, and the best you could do for me was throw me away? So be it.
Your old self visited me in my dreams night before last. It was great to see you in your younger days, healthy and vibrant. We sat and talked for hours…until it was time for me to wake up. You told me to not worry about anything, because I’ll always have the memories to cherish. No one can ever take those away from me. You hugged me, and we said goodbye. I woke up crying just from the realism of it all. I feel like you’ve died… But you’re still alive. You’re only 45 minutes away from me. But to me, my friend is no longer here. He left a long time ago.
I wish you well. That’s all I can do. I hope that one of these days, you’ll realize I was the only true friend you ever had.

No more love,
Emily.

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