Stop and Think.

Hey everybody! Happy Thursday! One more day until the weekend, and I know everyone is just thrilled. Friday is my favorite day of the week, just because it always seems to be a good day! 

Today’s one of those days where I just need to sit here and think. Think about everything that’s happened here lately and analyze it. Why? Because it helps me to see it in a better light, and it makes me feel better in the long run. 

 Back when Eric & I were planning our wedding, he confessed that my smoking (yep.. nicotine is my weakness..) bothered him. At first, it made me mad. He seemed to be okay with it before we were engaged, so what was the problem with it now? It confused me. So, I stopped smoking around him. Stopped smoking in my car when we would go somewhere in mine instead of his. Went outside without him, and when I’d come back in, I’d brush my teeth or chew some gum and spray some perfume. It hurt my feelings to know that I was making my husband sick everyday. A few days ago, Eric made an agreement with me that he would try and be okay with it again… He’s been coming outside with me and sitting with me while I smoke, and he’s doing such a great job. I haven’t expressed just how appreciative I am that he’s doing this for me like I should have. It’s been so long since I’ve been a “non-smoker”, that I don’t know how it feels to be in his shoes. Today, after leaving Wal-Mart, I asked him if I could smoke in my car, because I didn’t want to assume that it would be okay since it’s a slow transition for him. His response was no. He’s not ready to be that close to it, and honestly I’m okay with it. But, my reaction came out way differently than I meant for it to. Instead of “Oh, that’s okay”, it came out as “Well, it’s the same as going outside with me!” Therefore, it started something that I didn’t want to get into today. 

It came out that way because I was already upset about something completely different (it had nothing to do with Eric), but in the end it hurt his feelings and left him in a terrible mood for work. I cried as I watched him drive down our street and onto the highway, even though I told him I’d stop crying. (When he reads this, he’ll know that I didn’t do what I said I’d do…But I had to get the tears out.) I cried because I felt ashamed. I didn’t mean to hurt my husband or to make him feel like I was choosing cigarettes over him, because I wouldn’t choose anything over him. 

I don’t know. I just had to get that out, I guess. 

Until next time, ladies and gentlemen. Take care of each other. Tell your loved ones that you love them as much as you can. When you think of that person, tell them. Tell them exactly how you feel about them. The reason? There isn’t just one. Do you really need a reason to tell someone you love them? Just do it! 

–Emily

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